No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
