i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
