Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
