youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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