you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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