I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
