she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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