Michael Bay diarrhea
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
