Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
