Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
