He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
