11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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