This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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