Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
