dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
