Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
