it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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