the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
