Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
