There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
