She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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