Rock
Scissors
Fuck
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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