I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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