Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
