Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The beer is more important than you right now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
