For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
