Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
