he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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