i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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