just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
