Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
