what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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