you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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