When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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