someone get that fucking seahorse.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
