Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize