you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
