Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
