They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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