I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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