Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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