I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
