we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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