You're completely useless in the revolution.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
