Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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