omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I want her autograph on my taint
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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