Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
