I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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