they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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