Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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