I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
