why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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