I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
