i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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