genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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