So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize