You smell like stripper and shame
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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