It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
