So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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