if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
