Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
