Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize