Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did I show you my penis last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
