singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
