i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
