ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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