I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize