You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
